Cards! The Attackening


So you’re probably wondering to yourself, “Self, I’d like to know more about these paper rectangles and their glorious, pixel-y goodness.” Great question! Here’s a rundown of all the great things that help to make Cards: The Attackening! the best game on Earth.


Attackeners are our brand of heroes and rogues that you invoke and control in order to bring about your victory. They’ve all got their own awesome artwork (courtesy of Kyle Olson, the Great and Powerful) and unique abilities; and they fall into one of three Disciplines: Mystical, Mortal, and SciFi. Here’s a look at the Wizard, a classic example of arcane attackening.

Attackener: Wizard Discipline: Mystical

Mystical Attackener: Wizard


Items are stuff or things or junk that help you become even more radical than you already are. They might take the form of a questionable creme to increase your defense, a daunting RPG to obliterate your foes, or gleaming plate mail to shield your delicate skin (or skin-equivalent). All said, Items are necessary if you want to survive.

There's only one in the game!

Weapon: RPG


Largely because Josh couldn’t stand to play a game where you don’t have some sort of animal battle companion, Pets are a crucial part of the Cards! The Attackening experience. They are trustworthy creatures with inherent bonuses that will either assist you or hamstring your foes (sometimes literally). Keep them close, but know that they will quickly leave you if they see something shiny.

Pet: Flappy the Bat

Pet: Flappy the Bat


Because sometimes getting hit with a lightning bolt just isn’t what you had in mind, there are Evasion cards. These are great for confounding your foe and dodging their attack…ening. These are played after someone announces their attackening, but before they roll their damage. No guarantees you won’t waste it or miss, though – we’re not paying for burnt robes or seared faces.

Alternate title was "Shock and AWWW SNAP!"

Evasion: Shock and Awe

Twists of Fate

Fate, a notoriously nosey neighbor, can’t help but stick his/her/its face into your business. These cards shift the circumstances of the battlefield randomly, creating chaos and, occasionally, opportunity. Be warned, things will get weird.

Twist of Fate: Well-Fitting Clothing
Twist of Fate: Well-Fitting Clothing